Ahead or Behind

While walking down on the ice covered slippery roads in Stockholm city last weekend, a sudden thought of being ahead or behind someone hits hard on me. That thought indeed carried the essence of life which we deal almost every day. The weather was pretty cold and the sky was cloudy, which is usual in Sweden during winters. Dealing with such weather is, sometimes, a challenging for the people like me who recently moved from the Asian to the Scandinavian states. It was all dark around, half past five in the evening, while I was returning from a grocery shop. My feet, hands, ears were all freezing as I was walking and I intentionally skipped to get into the bus seeing other people walking in -12 deg. I knew somewhere deep down my heart that it is complete insane to do that, as its my first ever winters and moreover, my body is not used to of this weather. But, still I wanted to experience it and I kept moving. My back and arms started feeling strained and it became uncomfortable for me, at some point of time, to even walk. Then, I looked for the nearest bus station and stopped, and put my bag pack and the handbag on the bench. I stretched for sometime, and relaxed, and then carried my bag pack with the grocery handbag and started walking again. I knew that its hard but I was sure to make it to my apartment. With the sudden emerged will power, I continued walking uphill. After few minutes, I started panting and was almost out of breath, for a moment, while climbing the steeper hill section but I did not stop.

I was struggling with several minor problems, at a same time, physically and mentally, that included such extreme weather(-12 deg), walking on ice slippery pavements, carrying grocery almost 15-20 kg on my body, walking up the hill, getting out of breathe and my nose, ears stopped feeling anymore. On top of that, my brain started automatically fabricating all the thoughts, emerged from the physical discomfort, perhaps, of being ahead or behind somebody. I already had a realisation that it was not a race of getting ahead of somebody or getting behind someone. The important was to reach the destination with your own unique experience while dealing with situations on the way. But still, with my curious eyes, I saw few people walking on icy slippery road up the hill, with an ease, since they were used to of and did not find it that difficult as I was. Moreover, I was carrying loads of grocery items on me which made me difficult to even walk in chilled and windy weather. At the same time, I needed to be extra cautious watching my steps, otherwise I could harm myself more even if I would have fallen once. So, I kept moving ahead with that self-courage and self-support.

While walking uphill, I was occupied with the several thoughts where my mind and brain were somewhere agreeing with each other regarding the fact that life behaves in the same manner as we treat it. There are always hurdles in the way for everyone, but depends how you deal with that- similar like walking on ice-covered roads. For instance, I was a new person to get habituated to this situation while others, who have been here for longtime, are adapted to it. There are times/situations where you first feel discomfort dealing with your hurdles, problems in life. When you think about the bigger picture that it is similar to the ice-covered roads and there are chances you may slip. At this point you need to stop for a while, understand situation and try to rectify it gathering your own experience. Though, you have complete liberty to look at others walking on the similar road and get some inspiration too.  But, your own experience is what will be counted at last. Remember that only you have to walk the ice-slippery roads as this is your journey of life and tries to make you stronger. Others could only walk along with you but never for you.

Another thought immediately interrupted the previous one about the amount of burden one should carry. I secretly responded, according to ones' strength of carrying it otherwise, one may break down. Now issue was to understand who is carrying how much burden(read mental burden here) on themselves- it also differs person to person, of course! If you had chosen to carry the burden of your sorrows, worries, disappointments for the longer time, then be courageous enough to walk with that. Do not complain about the choices you had made instead gather courage to lift yourself up with those extra weights. Alternatively, you can also reduce the extra loads, according to your comfort, and continue moving. We are only responsible for the choices we make in the life and should not blame others for that(sometimes it turns out to be worse, don't lose courage). A good escape is to blame others because almost everyone would feel more comfortable with themselves then, blame human nature here too! We should realise that we cannot just make excuses for lifetime and keep blaming others for the choices we picked for ourselves. Be self-responsible and true to yourself.

While all these thoughts were creating a haphazard pattern with all sort of possibilities to think, I reached my apartment within half an hour. The collective realisation of several thoughts started shaking hands and tried to make a sense by sequencing themselves in an understandable fashion. And, a clear picture was emerged from the fog of my own thoughts and I was again happy realising that no one is ahead or behind us. Each of us are carrying different weights on our body and soul, while walking on the similar roads, with familiar/non-familiar, comfortable/uncomfortable situations in our lives. Instead of getting into the competition of "ahead-behind someone" if we focus on our own journey, the life would be much at peace and better for each of us. My brain started speaking my mind, all of sudden, saying that we learn everyday :). By that time, I was in front of my apartment and refreshed the product of my random thoughts- it is better to stop and pause for a second when stuck and realise that it is the only you who has to cross the ice-slippery road without the ahead-behind competition. Just follow your own road towards the destination, with the will power, collected experiences, without blaming others instead receiving inspirations(if needed) from others walking on the similar roads.

Keep smiling even if you are carrying those extra burdens and get stronger :)